so let's talk penis.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
