Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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