the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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