Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
