Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
