sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
