Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
