my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
