am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
