im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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