Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
