The maid of honor just puked.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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