I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
