you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
