Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
