omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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