I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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