My pussy is not your playground.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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