i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
