I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
