he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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