HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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