I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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