Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
