3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
