i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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