When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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