Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i have two assholes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
