i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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