So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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