I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
