He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
