My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
