I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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