they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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