So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
