Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
