Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
