'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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