she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
