I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
wow bdsm is so cute
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
