I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
