how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
