You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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