I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I touched a dick in church today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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