At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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