I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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