My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
