But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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