Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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