I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
