Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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