i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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