For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
