If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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