apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
