wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
