my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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