There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wrigley field is MILF paradise
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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