I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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