he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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