I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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