I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
