Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this just has baby written all over it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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