very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
