dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i've created a new STD.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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