i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
