screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
