if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
