i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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