Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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