we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
