it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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