If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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