What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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