Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
