evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
