Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
