he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
