Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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