You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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