I am spending my child support on dildos
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
